


You're my love, you only

by seo_joohyeon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Sexual Assault, Boys Kissing, Break Up, M/M, Mentioned Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 23:36:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21382441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seo_joohyeon/pseuds/seo_joohyeon
Summary: Donghyuck grabs his shoulder to face him, the fire in his eyes back. "He got home crying telling me you broke up with him and nothing else except asking himself what he did wrong. Now, I want you to tell him, what did he do wrong?""Nothing.""Nothing!" Donghyuck repeats with a loud voice. "Then why Jaemin? Did you get tired of him? Did you perhaps find someone else better than him? Tell me-""You know that's not the case," said Jaemin with a hard voice and for a second, he looked mad that Donghyuck steps back. He realizes and looks away. "No one can replace him."
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 115





	You're my love, you only

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. Who's ready for NCT Dream concert! I AM! But, sadly, I don't have money. Let's cry together if you're the same.

"You broke up with him?"

Jaemin doesn't look at Donghyuck. He's aware that the tanned male is mad at him, no doubt Renjun already told him about what happened between them. 

Their friends probably all know by now.

"Why?" Donghyuck's voice isn't spiteful anymore, he's genuinely curious and confused why he would break up with Renjun when they know he's been pining over him for two years.

"Didn't he tell you?" He asks.

Donghyuck grabs his shoulder to face him, the fire in his eyes back. "He got home crying telling me you broke up with him and nothing else except asking himself what he did wrong. Now, I want you to tell him, what did he do wrong?"

"Nothing." 

"Nothing!" Donghyuck repeats with a loud voice. "Then why Jaemin? Did you get tired of him? Did you perhaps find someone else better than him? Tell me-"

"You know that's not the case,' said Jaemin with a hard voice and for a second, he looked mad that Donghyuck steps back. He realizes and looks away. "No one can replace him."

"What happened?" Donghyuck's tone is soft, understanding.

"I don't deserve him." He knew that from the beginning and yet he still went for him. Renjun is too good for him. He's not the only one that liked the other, a lot of better people, but Renjun chose him. That was a mistake. "I can't keep up with others, they-"

"You're insecure about that? Jaemin, Renjun loves you and not them. He loves you because you're you, not because you're better than anyone."

"Then why didn't he say anything?" Maybe because it's okay with him, it's easy to replace him with anyone considering a lot of people's already on their knees for him.

"Because he thinks it's his fault. He didn't say anything because he loves you, thinking he's the one at fault. He loves you enough to let you go because he thinks he's just going to hurt you." The way Donghyuck said it sounded like he's so sure of it, practiced even.

In a month or so, he's going to have moved on by then, how can he not, when people pursue him all the time. "He'll get over it, he'll get over me quickly. He doesn't need me."

"You think he can replace you easily? You think he's like that?" Donghyuck laughs dryly. Without looking at him, he knows-he feels his eyes are on him, burning holes in his head. "I even thought you were different."

The footsteps fade and the door opens. "I kinda hate you right now. Maybe you're right, you don't deserve him." The door slams.

Jaemin wipes his face. He covers his eyes with his arms as he lets his bed swallow him. He doesn't deserve Renjun.

"You should've just stayed home Jun."

He can hear the concern from Haechan's voice and he doesn't want him worrying about him so he flashes him a smile. "I'm not sick, so why I should I?"

"Junnie..."

"Come on Haechan before we get late, I'm not going to detention on a Monday." He grabs him before he could protest, almost tripping on the stairs.

The weekend was rough for Renjun. He can't say he's over it because he's not, he'll probably never will be, for a long time. But he can't just grieve for it when he can do something else, maybe try to be a better person. He's sure he's the one who did wrong, so he'll fix himself.

"Say Haechan, do you think Sicheng hyung's with Yuta hyung right now? I need to return his books," he says absentmindedly, scanning the crowd for the older Chinese. "Haechan?"

He looks at his best friend, a second away from berating him when he sees that he wasn't paying attention. His eyes were dark as he looks at someone in front of them and follows his line of sight.

Jaemin.

His first clench, not because he was angry at him. He's holding himself back from running towards him and pulls him into a hug. He shouldn't. He should fix himself first before he can let himself do that. He wants to be better for Jaemin.

But he can't ignore him, he just can't so he relaxes his fingers and waves at him, forcing out a smile.

Haechan grabs his arm before he could move and drags him to the other way, missing the way Jaemin's arm slightly raise to wave back before it falls to his side again.

"Haechan..." Renjun whispers, looking at his best friend.

He turns to him with a bright smile. "I think they're at the library, we should check. Sicheng hyung's looking for a new book, I'm sure they're there. I'm meeting Mark hyung there anyway."

Renjun nods, smiling. The library's the other way.

"Honestly hyung, I want to hate you right now but like Chenle said, you're hurting, too, so I'm not going to."

The younger blabbers as he keeps stabbing his fries but not eating them. He's just glaring at Jaemin with his small eyes.

He's a little bit relieved that the youngest Chinese didn't hate him, Chenle's always been nice to the extent he'd still be concerned over the guy who broke his ge's heart. Jaemin laughs to himself, it'll be alright. A lot of people loves Renjun, he'll be fine.

"Why hyung?" the younger squeaks. Jisung's eyes goes over to the other table in the far corner where his best friend was. "Renjun hyung's not even eating the hotpot Chenle brought! Hyung!" He whines.

Renjun made it a promise that he'd only eat hotpot when Jaemin's around, they would wipe each other's lips whenever the other would accidentally splash themselves with the hot water. He guesses he's reminded of that.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure Renjun hyung will do something about it, just please talk to him, you don't have to take him back but please don't ignore him."

"What makes you think it's his fault?" Jaemin's eyes furrow.

"I don't know who's fault it is, I'm just telling you that if you have a problem with him, you can tell him and he'll fix it."

"Funny, Donghyuck said the same thing."

Jisung looks at him with an unreadable expression. "I was rooting for you Jaemin hyung, I thought you're the perfect match for him. You love him and he loves you. I don't know what went wrong."

Jaemin is what is wrong.

"Did you know that you're Renjun hyung's first boyfriend?" He does, that's why it's turning out to be great mistake to have Jaemin to be that person. "He keeps saying you'd be the last, too. He was so happy when you asked him out, I can tell because I was there when he opened the door with a stupid smile, similar to yours."

He was so happy, too. Because he'd never expect Renjun would say yes. It was the happiest day of his life, kissing Renjun for the first time. And what do you know? It turns out it's not his first kiss, nor Jaemin's, not even their first kiss together. Renjun had kissed him before when Jaemin was drunk, a simple touch of their lips. He says it's an accident, but Renjun says otherwise.

Renjun did kiss him intentionally. His heart flutters at the memory.

"Hyung," Jisung calls. "Hyung!"

Jaemin looks up and just then, he smells the familiar mint and vanilla scent, He's not sure how those two get along well together but it smells really nice. He doesn't dare look at the person.

"Jaemin, hi, um," He missed his voice. It's not even a full week yet and he's already yearning for the other and he's so close, yet so out of reach. "We're going for-to go and eat at Yuta hyung's later, you're going with us, right? I mean, if you want-"

"I have homework to do," he blurts out. "Sorry."

He tries to ignore how Renjun flinched because he knows he want to clear himself up, explain that he does have homework but he won't mind going with them and hug him. He bites his lip.

"O-Oh? Is that so," Renjun chuckles, picking at his nails as he looks down. "Should we bring something for you?"

Jaemin shakes his head and eats his food, making it clear.

"I see... I-I hope you have a nice day, Jaemin-ah." He should ask him to stay, but he won't. Funny, you did this Jaemin, so don't complain.

"Hey Jaemin!" A bunch of girls approach their table, sitting beside him. Jisung's nose scrunch in annoyance and scoots away from them. "There's a party tonight at my house, and everybody's invited. So, you're coming?"

Jaemin smiles. "Sure, I'll be there."

Jisung's head snaps towards him with wide eyes, mouth agape in disbelief.

"Cool, I'll see you tonight then." The girls smile in satisfaction and leaves but not before giving him a wink.

He finds Jisung looking down, jaw clenched. When he raised his eyes, Jaemin expected him to glare at him and get angry but he's looking past him, apologetic. Jaemin realizes what he'd done too late.

He sees Renjun leaving the cafeteria.

"So glad you could make it Jaemin," said the girl, handing him a red cup and he immediately downs it and felt his throat burn. He needs this. "Dance with me?"

He grins, nodding and lets himself dance. Bright neon lights fill his visions, turning on and off and everything looks hazy and his body sways to the beat. At times like this, Renjun would be by his side, letting him drink but himself sober so he can take care of Jaemin.

His grin turns into a smile, then a somber one.

He needs another drink.

"Need another drink?" He finds someone alone in the kitchen holding a bottle. He nods and holds out his cup but instead of alcohol, he pours him apple juice. "You may not be aware but that girl kept pouring more in your cup, haven't you realized why you just needed to refill just now when you already downed your drink the first time?"

Jaemin laughs. "I guess." He tilts the cup, "So no more alcohol for me?"

"That depends." The stranger shrugs, and unexpectedly, Jaemin feels suddenly small under his gaze. "You're Renjun's boyfriend, right?"

He would've nodded enthusiastically, proud and happy to be called Renjun's boyfriend. "Ex."

"Really? I'm certain he said you're his first boyfriend and surely the last, what happened?" 

Jaemin suddenly sobers up, those words seemed familiar. Jisung told him the same thing earlier. "Do I know you?"

"I'm Renjun's other brother, Guanheng. You won't know because you only know Lucas. You're lucky it's just me. Renjun haven't told us that you've already broken up." He puts down the bottle. "Renjun doesn't know I'm here, I wanted to surprise him. I heard you're coming so I came, too, because if you're here then surely Renjun would be, too. But alas, I missed something."

Jaemin hesitates. "You're not mad?"

"I am now," Guanheng shrugs. "I can't imagine how Renjun must be feeling, but I can tell he's hurt because I know he loves you. Do you feel the same Jaemin? Ah-no, did you at least feel the same?"

"Yes." He looks down. "I still do."

Guanheng's expression is pained. "Can you tell me why you decided to break up with my brother?"

"I don't deserve him."

"I can see that." There's a slight anger in his tone. "But whether you do or don't, I think it doesn't matter if he's happy with you. Or is it you that's not happy with him?"

Jaemin swallows, leaning on the counter for support as he feels his eyes sting. He's crying. "You don't understand." He sniffs. "I've hurt him before. Maybe he didn't tell you but I was the biggest asshole to him before we started dating, I didn't realize I like him yet. And when I asked him out, he-he just said yes like my past actions were nothing. I know a lot of people wants to ask him out, I see that all the time and it just makes me think, I-they're better with him. I feel guilty, he'd always tolerate me even though I go overboard. I hate that. I don't want him to feel forced but I force him to things all the time even if he doesn't want. Parties? He doesn't want me to get drunk but he doesn't say anything, he'd rather look after me while he could enjoy himself. I'm holding him back, his scholarship in China, I don't know if you knew about that, but he rejected it for me. I feel like I haven't done anything to make his love for me worth it."

"You think a relationship is a competition? You don't have to feel that way Jaemin, Renjun gives and gives but he doesn't expect anything in return but your love and happiness. He loves you and he wants you to be happy. That's what's important to him." Guanheng looks away. "I admit that I was furious when he didn't come back to China all because of a boy, you, but I can see that he's important to you. And besides, he's doing well here and I've accepted that."

He grabs his shoulders, forcing him to look at him. "Jaemin, Renjun loves you. You're insecure about your relationship with him, but you don't have to be. You shouldn't be. Renjun said yes to you because he likes you, what happened in the past doesn't matter now. You hated him before, but you love him now, right? You should tell him if you're bothered by something, don't keep it in. He wants you to be happy."

Jaemin's eyes widen. "He invited me to eat with them tonight and I'm here."

Guanheng. "Well, what're you going to do?"

"Forget about him," said Jisung, putting all the beef on Renjun's bowl that his best friend has to stop him, which was useless because he's now putting it on Chenle's bowl.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Renjun asks. "It's a party after all, and I'm worried he might get drunk-who's going to take him home?"

Donghyuck snorts. "He'll be fine. Now, eat Renjun, you skipped lunch earlier and if you say you're not hungry, I will shove rice down you throat." He doesn't but put them on his bowl instead. "Stop thinking about him."

Makr holds his hand to calm him down. "I'm sure he's fine Renjun, don't worry." He smiles, now successfully making his boyfriend sit down without looking like he's going to stab someone.

But Renjun can't stop worrying. Jaemin might end up on a random stranger's bed then have hang over in the morning, he'll get sick. And he has an eight am class. 

He stands up. "I should go and find him."

"Jun-"

"I know, I know," he smiles. "I promise this will be the last time, please? I can't handle it if something happens to him."

"Sit down."

"Haechan, please."

"You're only hurting yourself! Can't yousee he doesn't care about you anymore? Just let him be Renjun, you don't need him," Donghyuck pleads.

"Just this once."

He looks away, clearly upset and against the idea. 

"I'm sorry."

He ran and he ran. The party was just a few block away anyway-it's really not-but Renjun doesn't care anyway. He needs to see Jaemin, make sure he's fine. If he's drunk, that's alright, he'll just have to take him home. If-If he's with someone, that's also fine, he'll wait for him. He even ignores the painful twist in his chest just with that thought.

When he finally reaches the front door, it's trashed. A lot of paper cups and lights moving blindingly that it hurt his eyes a lot but experience spent with looking after Jaemin made him get used to it. The music was loud that Renjun could hear it even a few blocks away.

He knocks.

After a lot of intense knocking, the door opens with an irritated girl from which he recognized as the host of the party that invited Jaemin. "Yes?"

"Is Jaemin here?"

She looks at him from head to toe and smirks. "Of course, come on in. I can't find him though, but maybe you can. Help me?"

Renjun nods naively missing the mischievous intention in the girls eyes, and without a second thought, he went inside.

"Ge??"

Guanheng and Jaemin arrives at Yuta's restaurant, looking for Renjun but he's nowhere to be found.

"Jaemin??" Jeno stands up. "What re you doing here?"

"I'll explain everything but right now, I need to talk to Renjun," Jaemin says quickly, turning around to scan the place for Renjun.

"What do you mean where's Renjun? He went to look for you! He went to the party to look for you!" Jeno yells, walking over to him. "Are you telling me he's in that party and you're here?"

"What?" Jaemin exchanged glances with Guanheng. "When did he leave?"

"Half an hour ago? Please tell me you saw him." Donghyuck grabs his collar. Mark stands up to stop him, but he wasn't letting go. "I'm going to kill you if something happens to him."

"Let him go hyung," says Chenle. "We should go after Renjun hyung already."

And with that, all of them stands up as soon as Yuta and Sicheng arrives, confused why they're already leaving. "We're just going to look for Renjun."

"Is he missing?" Sicheng asks.

Jisung shakes his head, going around the table careful not to topple anything. "No, but we need to find him."

"Do you need help?" Yuta yells after them.

"If you want to!"

"Should we go after them?"

Sicheng glares at him. "Of course we should!"

"Have you seen Renjun?"

They took too long because they only have one car and none of them wanted to get left behind so they had to squish themselves in the back seat, fortunately there was a lot of room.

They were currently asking people if they've seen Renjun but they're either drunk or high to even answer properly.

"Have you already checked upstairs?" Chenle asks. "I should."

"Wait hold on." Jisung grabs him. "I'm coming with you"

Jaemin nods at them, once again looking around. He sees one of his classmates and quickly run towards him. "Hey, Felix, have you seen Renjun?"

The boy was clearly drunk but he's still on his feet so that must mean something. "Renjun?" He turns to his friend. "Do we know a Renjun?"

"Jaemin's boyfriend dumbass," said his friend, then laughs hysterically. "I think I saw him? Earlier?"

"Where?"

"Oh I don't know, upstairs maybe," he pauses, getting crosseyed and the hiccups. "You know, with some guys dragging him-I think they're gonna play truth or dare, Felix we should join-"

The rest of his words drown as Jaemin leapt to his feet, passing Jisung and Chenle, Dread fills his stomach, hastily opening the doors one by one, leaving them open after, uncaring of the occupants. Until he sees Renjun, he doesn't care.

"Please stop."

Renjun presses himself against the wall, eyes teary, hands trying to button his pants, but they were shaking too much. His jacket's already thrown to the opposite side of the room, leaving him in Jaemin's thin white shirt.

"Why?" he gets pulled harshly by the arm. "I heard you and Jaemin broke up, what's the matter then?"

He doesn't have to be reminded that, yes, they've already broken up. With as much courage he can muster, he pushes him away. "Regardless if I have boyfriend or if I don't, you shouldn't be doing this."

"You talk too much."

It was all too quick and blur because of his tear-filled eyes. Renjun found himself pinned on the bed, pants getting pulled down leaving his boxers on. He squirms, kicking them away and yells until his mouth gets covered. Tears falls down his eyes, feeling a hand up his stomach and raising his shirt. "No! Stop!" 

The door suddenly slams open. A furious Na Jaemin stands by the door and when he sees Renjun on the bed, pinned down by three guys, he only sees red. "Get off him."

"Jaemin, I thought you're not-"

"Get off him!" He grabs one of them by the collar, the one on top of Renjun and punches him hard that he staggers and hits the table behind him. "How dare you touch him."

He doesn't give him time to reply and punches him again and again until his mouth and nose bleed, eventually scaring the other two and scurrying away. "Don't ever touch him again." He nods weakly and limps out of the room.

He calms down and wipe his bloodied knuckles on his pants, turning around and sees Renjun pressed against the wall beside the bed, hair messy and shirt falling off his shoulders. He softens and slowly approaches him.

"Renjun..." he sits down on the bed, careful not to startle the other.

He's immediately engulfed in a hug. "You're fine." It wasn't Jaemin who spoke, but Renjun. "You're okay."

"I should be the one asking you that," he whispers, hugging him back. In response, Renjun tightens his arm around him, followed by sobbing as he buries his face on his chest. "I'm sorry."

If Chenle and Donghyuck sees them, they leave them alone and closes the door. They needs some time for themselves.

"I was worried about you," Renjun whispers. "I thought you'd get drunk and no one would take care of you..."

Jaemin's own tears escapes his eyes hearing this. He really doesn't deserve Renjun, but rather than putting much thought into it, who cares? He loves him and he loves Jaemin back. That's what matters. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I regret all of it. I want to say that I should let you go because of all of this, I'm sorry for putting you all into this. I feel like I'm not enough, someone could be better for you, but I don't want anyone taking you away from me. I don't want to let you go, because I love you. I was miserable thinking I don't deserve you, but without you, I feel like nothing."

"I don't care if you don't deserve me or not or I that don't deserve you, I want you and no one else. You're my love Jaemin, you only." He pulls away. "I love you. Do you-?"

Jaemin's heart breaks hearing the hesitance in his voice. "I do. I do love you. I love you so much, don't ever doubt that." He presses their foreheads together. "I love you Renjun."

It's Renjun that kisses him first, pulling him closer by the neck. It seemed so long since he last kissed him when in truth it's only been a week. He's a goner for Huang Renjun, he can't stay away from him or from his cotton candy kisses, fluffy and sweet. And how it escalates to a hot one when he licks his bottom lip.

"You're wearing my shirt..." he says with a chuckle.

"I missed you." And they kiss again, this time, exploring each other's mouth, hot and wet. They've kissed like this before in the confines of Renjun and sometimes Jaemin's room, and he's never gotten used to Renjun surprising him every time.

"Jaemin..." Renjun moans in his mouth when Jaemin lets his hand falls down his waist and sneak in inside his shirt. His skin is soft underneath just as Jaemin remembers, waking up with his hands around him on a lot of occasions.

"Isn't it inappropriate that we're already making out after you just got taken advantage of and just got back together?" Jaemin asks, pulling away to see Renjun's flushed face that adorably turns into an annoyed one.

"I hate you."

He kisses him. "You do? Then, I love you."

"I love you, too, Jaemin." He kisses him back.

**Author's Note:**

> If you feel like it's similar to another story, I assure you that I did not copy nor plagiarize anything. I was listening to Ed Sheeran's happier when I came up with the plot. But if it doesn't make you feel better, please tell me so I can take it down or mention the author, you decide.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
